Tuesday, December 20, 2011

On daddies & daughters


Some time ago eldest won a competition prize, a professional model shoot to create her own portfolio. Not that she wants to be a model, at least I don't think so, but the young are into this sort of thing.

Out of this process, I collected a small photo that might fit in my wallet, although I think that it is in fact too good for that.

As anybody knows who reads this blog, I am very proud of my girls.

The relationships between dads and daughters is a special one, as it it is between mums and daughters. However, it is different from that relationship.

I while back, one of the girl's aunts who has only boys commented that she missed not being able to go shopping and talk about female things. Listening to the girls and their mum talk reminds me just how different men and women are. They chatter in ways and on topics that I cannot.

You would think that being married would give you an understanding of women, and in a way it does. Yet for many men, me included, the relationship with daughters, the interaction between daughters and their mum, provides far greater insights into the female psyche.

The relationships between men and their fathers are often complicated, far more complicated than relationships with mums. Often mum just is, a source of accepting love. By contrast, in the relationship between sons and fathers, there are often real issues of authority and acceptance as the sons attempt to carve out their independent roles and personalities.

Women may be bitchy and sometimes downright vicious. Yet they also understand the need for emotional support in a way that men do not. They are far better at articulating and acting on emotional needs. It is no coincidence that in most marriages, women provide the social glue.

I think that one of the special features for men in their relationships with their daughters lies in the way that daughters provide the type of accepting love that men crave, but are often unable to articulate properly. Accepting love does not mean unquestioning love, just love that is in some ways simpler and uncomplicated.

The love between fathers and daughters is forged from birth and grows through experience of the natural stages in a girl's life. Not all fathers experience this, or not to the same degree. Some are just too busy, others too protective, some don't have daughters.  But for those men such as me lucky enough to experience the process, it is a wonderful thing.  


Anonymous said...

Please don't tell me that's the zombie one? Makeup I can understand, but if so, maybe I should get out more..

Jim, those are beautiful words, failing to do justice to your daughter.


Niar said...

hi Jim,

It's nice to know the means of relationship between father and his daughter from the father view. From your words, I am thinking that my father has a similar point of view as yours.

if being married would give you and understanding with women and in way it does and the some interactions provide you greater insight into female psyche. May be I will feel that as well someday once I married and have a son :) :)

Jim Belshaw said...

No, kvd, not the zombie one. But youngest scrubs up pretty well in equivalent shots!

Thanks for the beautiful words comment.

Thanks, Niar. I am sure that your dad does feel much the same.